OffScript Advent: Week 1 -Unlearn

Week 1 of OffScript Advent has been about unlearning. Not in the inspirational-quote way, but in the “finally admitting what’s been draining you all year” way. December is always revealing. It shows you the places you’ve been coping instead of choosing, the expectations you’ve been meeting on autopilot, the small ways you’ve disappeared to keep everything else steady.

I created this series as a daily pause for women in mission-led work who’ve been carrying more than anyone realises. A place to name what’s been happening quietly in the background, so you can start walking into next year with yourself more intact.

Here’s everything from Week 1 in one place, in case you missed a day or just want to read it all together.

Day 1

You’ve been disappearing all year.

Not dramatically or loudly. But in the small ways that look harmless from the outside.

In the meeting where you soften your voice. In the email where you add “just checking” even though you’re the expert. In the decision where you go with what keeps the peace instead of what you know is right.

If you work in a charity, NGO or social-impact role, this is probably your default.
You’re the steady one.
The safe pair of hands.
The person who absorbs the pressure so everyone else can keep going.

But at some point, without meaning to, this began to turn into self-erasure.

Not because you’re weak. Not because you don’t care. But because you care too much, and you’ve been trained to make yourself smaller so others can stay comfortable.

Today isn’t about changing anything. Today is about seeing it.

The exact moment you override your own instincts. The second you decide your voice isn’t needed. The subtle shift where you make yourself small to keep things smooth. The way you move yourself to the bottom of the pile without even pausing.

Seeing it is the start.

This isn’t a personal flaw. It’s a pattern the sector rewards.

But nothing – not next year, not your boundaries, not your direction – changes until you can see the exact places you vanish.


If you’re feeling this too, my messages are always open. I love hearing from women navigating this season.

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Day 2

You’re not tired because you’re bad at your job. You’re tired because your job isn’t your only job.
In most charities and NGOs, especially in comms and fundraising, women end up doing three parallel roles:

1. The role on the job description
2. The invisible emotional glue that holds the team together
3. The unpaid planning, caring, smoothing and rescuing outside work

Of course you’re exhausted.

Today’s prompt is simple:
Where are you doing emotional labour that was never named, never resourced and never respected as work?

You don’t have to fix it this week. You don’t have to burn it all down. You just need to see it clearly enough to decide what you’re willing to carry into next year.

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Day 3

Where did you shrink today?

Maybe it was a quick “no worries at all” when, actually, it was a lot of extra work. Maybe it was not challenging a comment because you didn’t want to be “the difficult one”.

Maybe it was taking on the Christmas campaign, again, because nobody else had the capacity and you didn’t want things to fall.

Women in charity and NGO roles learn very early that shrinking is safer than disrupting.

You minimise your needs.
You swallow your ideas.
You frame everything oh so gently so nobody feels uncomfortable.

The problem is that this doesn’t just protect other people.
It slowly erases you.

Today is for honest noticing:
Where did you make yourself smaller so everything else could keep running?

You do not have to take that pattern into another year.

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Day 4

Who would you be if nobody needed you?

It is a confronting question when your whole identity has been built around being useful, needed, dependable and kind.

So much of the social impact world quietly tells women:

Your value is in what you give.
Your worth is in how much you stretch.
Your safety is in being the one everyone can rely on.

No wonder “what do I actually want?” feels like a ridiculous or even selfish question.

Today, take five minutes and ask yourself:
If nobody needed anything from me for one day, what would I choose?
Not the polished answer.

The honest one.

You don’t have to act on it.
You don’t have to explain it.
Just let yourself hear it.

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Day 5

There are expectations you consciously choose.
And there are expectations you meet on autopilot because you’ve always been that person.

The flexible one.
The “it’s fine, I’ll pick it up” one.
The person keeping the fundraiser, the comms plan, the team morale and the Christmas logistics all spinning at the same time.

None of this is a personal failing.
These patterns are baked into society, and into the sector.
They show up especially in women.

And they’re rewarded so consistently that you barely notice when you slip into them.

You can love your work, believe in the mission, stay exactly where you are,
and still decide that some expectations are no longer yours to carry.

Today’s prompt:

What expectation are you still meeting automatically that is quietly draining you?

You don’t need to make a big announcement. You don’t need to push back dramatically. You don’t need to launch a boundary grenade into the group chat.

You just need to decide that next year,
this expectation is no longer a given.

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Day 6

Most women I coach don’t lack insight.
They lack permission to trust the part of them that is already telling the truth.

That little voice is usually saying things like:
“I can’t do another year like this.”
“I want to do this work differently.”
“I don’t actually want this job any more.”
“I want a life outside holding everything together.”

You’ve been taught to treat that voice as a risk.

Selfish.
Indulgent.
Unrealistic.

Today, you don’t have to act on it. You don’t even have to say it out loud. You only have to admit to yourself that it is there.

The quiet voice is not the enemy of your impact. It is the thing that will stop you burning out while you’re trying to make a difference.

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Day 7

You do not need to earn the right to rest.
Read that again.

The charity and social impact world quietly runs on the idea that rest is something you get once everything is done, everyone is helped and every crisis is managed.

So never, basically.

Women in comms, fundraising and leadership roles learn to:
Work late.
Be “on” all the time.
Hold the WhatsApp threads, the campaign timelines, the staff emotions, the Board expectations, the family logistics and the Christmas admin.

And then we wonder why everyone is exhausted, resentful and half-planning their escape.

You do not have to reach the end of your capacity to deserve a break.

Today’s prompt is very simple:
Where can you rest before you crash?

Five minutes.
A closed laptop.
A slow walk.
A cancelled non-essential call.
Not as a reward.
As a basic requirement for being a human.

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This week we’ve been Unlearning. Next week we’re Reclaiming.